You know how time seems to slow down when it is your last class of the day and you’re waiting waiting waiting for the clock to strike 12 but that never seems to come? Well, when I left the theater, I honestly thought the movie had been 3 hours long. It was actually only half of that. Says how much I was entertained.

Granted, I did expect it to be a brainless visual effects spectacle, but spectacle it was not, though brainless it certainly is. It was thoroughly, disappointingly pointless.

There isn’t much to the story really. Sam Worthington’s Perseus sees his family get killed by Hades, wishes for revenge, finds out he’s actually a half-god bastard of Zeus, gets pulled into the fight between Argos and the Gods, fights a bunch of monsters, and ends up saving the day. Hoorah. It actually sounds pretty decent, no? But Perseus, the humble fisherman who has never held a sword in his life, turns out to be an invincible swordsman right off the bat and ends up being an invincible swordsman at the end, while Zeus, who declared war on the humans, gives the very man who has the power to save mankind (Perseus, in case you were wondering) a powerful weapon and a fancy transport that will aid the man in his quest against the Gods. Oei, where’s the logic? And there’s some “twist” of a betrayal between Hades and Zeus which actually never amounted to anything between the two of them, on top of  a love angle between Perseus and a woman who’s probably 5 times his age.

What I’m really saying is there is no plot, no character development and no moral of the story. And even with talents like Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson and Mads Mikkelsen (why Mads why do you always end up in stupid Hollywood blockbusters like this? Please stick to the indie Scandinavian films we know and love you for thanks), everyone is as bland as a cucumber on screen, with Sam Worthington being the blandest of the lot. Again, we see him in a role with no personality whatsoever. He makes a joke and we’re actually surprised he made a joke because he didn’t seem like an interesting enough character capable of making a joke. Only after this thought do we chuckle a bit, mostly out of uncertainty. Despite his leading man role, he kinda blends into the background a lot.

In fact, nothing actually leaves an impression. The things that really stood out were Sam Worthington’s super-tanned skin and Liam Neeson’s cheesy golden glow. And maybe the incredibly lousy visual effects. For a 3D film, the VFX kinda sucked.

Sigh. Sam Worthington’s actually a pretty decent actor. I am disappointed. He is an actor who can tell you a story with just his eyes, and not a lot of actors can do that.  But he really needs to choose the right roles and the right films. I want to support him, but if he keeps on accepting roles indiscriminately (he’s doing a lot of films within a very short time), it’ll only be a matter of time before I forget that he can actually act. And please, please, please get an accent coach pronto.

Okay back to the film. What was I saying? Oh yes the film sucked. Save your money, folks. This one is not worth your time.